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Another Sunday Stroll

Sunday morning, a sunny Spring day.  Oatmeal with honey and dried cranberries, orange juice, chai teaGrab my camera and take a walk.  Come along!  We got some rain the past two days.  Now the colors are so bright!

Steve and I got into another “relationship talk”.  The sun was shadowed by a passing cloud, and I saw this lone female duck, head tucked under her wing, standing on one leg.  At that moment, my soul was hiding and this seemed like the perfect illustration.

We passed a church where families with well-dressed children crossed from their cars into the open doors.  I remember getting myself and four children up and dressed tidily and bundled off to choir and Sunday school week after week.  I miss the expectation of meeting people, the habit of seeing and being seen.  I don’t miss the bickering between the kids, the passive teenaged resistance.  I do miss the bagels and lox and chocolate croissants.  I definitely miss the singing. 

Junctions.  Life paths, habits, structures, changing, evolving, maintained and unkempt. 

Useful and interesting, I suppose, but I really want to be graceful, too.

I suppose my biggest fear is that I am neither useful nor graceful.

There’s another way to think of myself, though.  Instead of the Western idea of being an artifact, something made by a Maker, I could adopt the Eastern way and imagine myself as something grown and growing.

Thinking, pondering, musing on my self, my vision, my viewpoint, my place in the vast universe.  Steve grabs the camera from me and shows me his vision.  It’s different from mine.  I think it’s kind of Zen, kind of quirky.  Very Steve.

I’m back home, sharing my thoughts with a congregation of bloggers.  Did anyone bring bagels?

 

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Art, Time, and Love

In the expansive mist of morning, when my soul takes time and room to breathe and stretch, I gaze around my room and wonder what I might do with myself.  My eyes light on the top shelf of a bookcase, where stands a handmade paper album.  Pages of rough texture wait to absorb something well-constructed, like a bed of rice made to nestle a complicated curry.  What poem or drawing or photograph would be worthy to lie in those lush furrows?  Surely nothing as lowly as what I would create.  Yet I long to put my time, my love, my hands to work, to make something.  I want to slowly blend my life into some material.  The satisfaction is exquisite.  I felt it once, birthing and raising children.  The medium responds, reacts, engages, resists.  It is not a work of power; it is a work of love.

I have begun to notice an impatient annoyance building up in me when I look at photography sites.  I am enamored of the images, but so often the captions leave me irritated.  I do want to know what I’m looking at and where it was found.  I don’t like the flavor of language that suggests violence.  “I captured”, “I shot”, “I took”, “I caught”.  Why not just say that you were there?  It was there.  You made a photograph of it at that place and in time.  Doesn’t that sound more respectful somehow?  It does to me.

I like art that shows that respect.  An artist is generous with time, patient, slow, allowing something to unfold, gently.  There is a generosity of presence in art.  An artist gives herself – body, consciousness, energy, and loveinto a relationship with her work and medium.  That’s what feels so rich, pleasing and compelling in a well-made piece.   Whatever it is.  I am often so task-oriented that I don’t think of that.  I was taught to be efficient, neat and accurate.  In preparing a meal, for instance.   When I began cooking for Steve, he’d ask me about supper, and I’d tell him the steps I planned to take and ask for his input on decisions.  He’d respond with something like, “Just make it with love.”  I wasn’t sure what that meant.  I think I have a better idea now. 

I have a whole day and a whole chicken ahead of me.  I want to make something satisfying, not just in the end product, but in the relationship along the way.  I’ll let you know how that turns out.  Meanwhile, I’ll share these pictures from Horicon Marsh.  I didn’t take them.  I like to think I invited them, and they came willingly.

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Waking Up

We visited two different marshland wildlife refuges this week.  The turtles are coming out of their winter sleep!  I found one sunning itself on a country highway and gave it a lift to the other side of the road.  Painted turtles can live to be quite old if they don’t get squashed by a car or eaten by a raccoon.

The snapping turtles at the Wehr Nature Center have a favorite log for sunning.  They stay off the roads.

This wood turtle is a pet at the nature center.  I like his smile!

Sandhill cranes, Canada geese, wood ducks, and red-winged blackbirds are pairing off and getting ready to start having babies.  The red-winged blackbird is one of Steve’s favorites for its distinctive song.  The first time he described it to me, he said it sounds like water.   Some people say it sings, “Purple TEA” or something like that.  Once you recognize it, though, you won’t need to describe it.  It is simply the red-winged blackbird’s song. I love how they stall in flight and land grabbing one slender stalk, which sways dramatically, but never breaks.

Chipmunks are awake from their winter sleep, too, but they’re too quick for me to photograph.  I did find a fuzzy spring friend who moves at about my speed: pussywillows. 

And now, it’s my pleasure to introduce a guest photographer to my blog.  Steve took this picture just before we climbed back into the car to go in search of dinner. 

Enjoy the beauty surrounding you in this wonderful world.  Enjoy waking up to it each moment, becoming aware. 

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Don’t Fence Me In

The maple trees have already stopped running sap.  The wildflowers have begun to bloom.  It’s like we’ve gone past spring in a flash and gotten into early summer already.  The temperatures have hit record highs all this week.  How can you not be outside on a day like today?!  Well, that’s where I’m heading.  First, I’ll share some more architectural shots from my Old World Wisconsin trek.

What are you doing inside still?!  Go out and enjoy the world!

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Sunday Stroll

Thursday’s trip out to Old World Wisconsin was full of so many wonderful moments that I’m going to take up several posts to cover them all.  This one is about the natural world. 

Driving County Road Lo west, past farms and ranches and parks, we spotted an animal in the road and stopped.  This is what we saw:

I thought this bird might be injured because it did not fly away when we drove past.  In fact, an SUV going east almost ran right over it, and it didn’t change course!  I decided to put on my fire gloves and see if I could pick it up and move it out of the road.  By the time I got within 8 feet of it, though, it flew off.  I guess a lady with big green gloves is a lot scarier than a Chevy going 55!  Anyway, this is the American Woodcock doing his spring courtship walk.  Let me tell you, it’s fun imitating his strut!

One of these days, we’re going to figure out how to bring a sound recorder instead of just a camera with us on our walks.  I wasn’t able to catch the Sandhill Cranes on film, and I definitely heard them long before I saw them.  They were flying low over the river in the late afternoon sun, their wings so broad and slow they looked like giant butterflies.  They were too far away and too brightly bathed in light as I looked west to photograph with my little Lumix.  The little red squirrels that chattered and chased each other through the picnic woods were also to difficult to catch on camera.  Their color was exactly the same as the iron rust bubbling over the rocks in the spring.  We heard a loud “whooo-hoo” from the pines behind the picnic shelter, but alas, no sighting of the owl.  Woodpeckers, robins, cardinals, red-winged blackbirds and chickadees lend familiar serenades to our outings, but they don’t come close and hold still for portraits; at least not for me.  Their songs definitely fill in the atmosphere, as they’re doing even now while I type and Steve stretches beside me next to our open bedroom window.  Here are some nature compositions that I was able to frame:

That brown ball is not a rock, or a "horse apple", but a spongy fungus!

Carya ovata, the Shagbark Hickory

Audio cue: burble, babble, etc.

With a deep appreciation for all life and for being at one with it,

scillagrace

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Spring is Sprung!

Spring is sprung; the grass is rizz….

I wonder where the flowers izz?

Well, that’s the only flower I could find in my garden today, but it’s 73 degrees out, and soon, things will be busting out all over!  I took a group of kindergarteners to collect maple sap from the trees, and the spout on the south side of the tree refused to give any.  The north side was flowing slowly, enough for each kid to taste a drip.  Buds are opening, and sap’s first priority is way over the heads of the little kids.

Tomorrow, we plan to spend the day outside.  We actually have job interviews at a living history museum called Old World Wisconsin.  Their season starts in May, and their exhibits are 19th century homesteads featuring working farms, home crafts, and costumed interpreters (please pick me!).  I would love to work and learn and get paid there!  With Steve, too!  But I can’t count my chickens before they’re hatched.  In any event, it’ll be lovely visiting the site and camping out the rest of the day somewhere in this gorgeous weather.

I think of all the tiny, tender green shoots pushing up through the dead leaf litter, and the words of a song pop into my head: “Up from the ashes grow the roses of success.”  Now where did that come from?  Oh, “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang”, the movie musical.  Based on the book by Ian Fleming, no less.   A corny video of a bunch of crackpot inventors is available, but I’m not going to include it.  I do like to rejoice in the hopeful and positive example of nature.  Life goes on.  Death is part of it, but not the whole.  Green sprouts are a lot more sturdy and virile than they look.   All will be well.  And maybe I’ll be re-employed soon!

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Peace Walk

Yesterday, I blogged several quotes from Thich Nhat Hahn.  Last night, I came across a passage in Living Buddha, Living Christ that illuminated my journey through widowhood, change, and doubt.

“One day when you are plunged into the dark night of doubt, the images and notions that were helpful in the beginning no longer help.  They only cover up the anguish and suffering that have begun to surface.  Thomas Merton wrote, ‘The most crucial aspect of this experience is precisely the temptation to doubt God Himself.’  This is a genuine risk.  If you stick to an idea or an image of God and if you do not touch the reality of God, one day you will be plunged into doubt.  According to Merton, ‘Here we are advancing beyond the stage where God made Himself accessible to our mind in simple and primitive images.’  Simple and primitive images may have been the object of our faith in God in the beginning, but as we advance, He becomes present without any image, beyond any satisfactory mental representation.  We come to a point where any notion we had can no longer represent God.”

“The reality of God”…beyond any notion or representation, there is a reality, an experience.  Returning regularly to this experience is what Thich Nhat Hahn refers to as “deep practice”.  It requires awareness, mindfulness, being awake and paying attention.  What is the experience of being in this living world?

I went for a walk yesterday in a strong wind and looked up to the trees.  They were all swaying in their own way, in different directions, at different levels, different speeds.  They have no notion that is “wind”.  They have an experience.

The river touches the stones and mud in the river bed, it touches the banks, it touches the wind with its surface and reflects the trees that rise high above it.  It inhabits its course without a concept or an image of anything.

I enjoy images.  I become attached to them.  Their primitive simplicity appeals to my limited brain and feels comfortable.  I wonder now if that’s why I often become “stuck”.  It’s as if I become unable to see the forest because I look so constantly at the trees.  The experience of ‘forest’ is so much more.

Every time I take a photo, I put my experience into a frame.  Would a frameless view of reality take me beyond my doubts?  Beyond my fears?

When I was a cantor at my church, I’d sing a refrain during Vespers, framing the prayers that people offered up in the pews: “Shepherd me, O God, beyond my wants, beyond my fears, from death into life.”

Shepherd me, O God, beyond my doubts, wants, fears, images, and notions…from death into Life.

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Lamb

In some parts of the world, it’s lambing season.  I’ve seen some beautiful photos from bloggers in rural areas, and I want to share my “Lamb” story, too.

Steve and I went on a cross-country camping trip in the summer of 2009.  One of our primary destinations was Zion National Park in Utah.  We chose to camp in nearby Dixie National Forest.  The National Forest designation allows camping free of charge anywhere within the boundaries.  The land is also used for other things, which present something of a mystery to me.  Houses are built in National Forests.  ATV roads and logging operations also exist there.  The official motto on many National Forest signs is “Land of Many Uses”.  You’re never really sure what the land is being used for until you get there, drive around, and check it out.  This was my first experience traveling like this.  I was used to researching websites and making reservations with check-in and check-out times.  Steve assured me that traveling without plans is mostly safe and more of an adventure.  “Be open to what arises” was his Zen-like mantra. This trip would definitely shape our relationship, and I was excited about the possibilities.

After bumping down a narrow ATV road in Steve’s Toyota Camry, we discovered a nice spot in an aspen grove away from the big camper-trailers that had gathered in the valley for an off-road rally event.  We parked the car and began to look for level ground to set up the tent.  In the quiet of the woods, I heard a faint sound.  A bird with an unfamiliar song…rather like the sound of a bleating…goat?  “Did you hear that?”  I asked Steve.  Odd.  I picked up a roll of toilet paper and began to look for a likely tree to designate as my powder room.  Then I saw her.  At the base of an aspen, dirty white fur blended into the leaf cover and the white bark.  She let out a mournful cry.  “Maa-aa-aa!”  Oh, my goodness!  “Steve!”  She was skin and bones.  A dry umbilical cord hung from her belly.  Her long tail was caked with mud.  She rose and began walking away from us.  She was shaky and obviously hungry.  We started throwing out questions to each other.  What do we have here?  (I guessed a goat because sheep don’t have long tails. What did I know?)  Where is her mother?  She needs help.  What should we do?  Where can we take her?  How do we catch her?  How involved do we want to get?  Where is the ranger station?  How long would it take to get there?  It’s getting dark; should we set up camp and make dinner first?

We decided to catch her and drive her toward the ranger station, even though we knew it was closed.  I put on my leather fire gloves and picked her up.  She weighed almost nothing, but I wanted to be gentle and careful of her sharp hoofs.  We set off slowly toward the populated area of the forest and came upon a big, white pickup truck we thought might belong to a ranger.  It wasn’t a ranger, but a local who was able to tell us that we had a lamb and that there were free-ranging flocks in the forest.  We drove back to camp with this information, hopeful that we’d come upon a shepherd on horseback whom we’d seen earlier.  As we set up camp, the lamb stayed close.  We tried to feed her milk from a water bottle, but she just didn’t catch on.  She was bumping and nuzzling between my legs, looking to nurse.  I felt helpless not having the equipment she was seeking.  Steve wanted to allow her to sleep in the tent with us that night to keep warm.  I feel like an ogre now for saying ‘no’, but I was more “citified” back then.  She slept on a blanket just outside the tent with her back against its slope all night.  In the morning, we made breakfast, took pictures and figured out a plan.

Looking for milk in all the wrong places

The plastic bottle fails

So skinny

What am I going to do with you, huh?

Love me!

We decided to take a hike.  Perhaps we’d find the shepherd.  Perhaps Lamb would find her mother.  We set out with Lamb following for a bit, then she turned around and sat at the base of the tent again.  We went off toward the valley overlook.  Suddenly, I heard a clanking bell sound and the bleating of…SHEEP!  The flock was in the valley!  We raced back to camp, put Lamb in the car, and drove off to the valley.  I will never forget the image of Steve crossing the road with Lamb in his outstretched hands, little legs flailing.  It wasn’t so easy as just setting her down off the side of the road, though.  Oh, no!  She kept following ME!  I’d creep as close as I dared to the flock without scaring them further away, set her down and then turn and run toward Steve.  He was laughing his head off because bounding behind me with more energy than she actually had was the little Lamb, ears flapping, leaping over the tall grass.  Obviously, we had to use more stealth, more trickery.  I crept very carefully in toward some ewes, put Lamb beside me and stayed stock still.  Finally, she recognized her own kind and started moving toward them.  As she moved in, I moved back, until finally there was enough distance between us that she couldn’t see me.  She began pursuing the ewes, bleating and trying to nurse.  My last vision of her was rather sad.  She came up behind a ewe who turned and knocked her off her feet with an angry neck butt.  I saw Lamb’s white legs upended in the grass.  She hadn’t much strength left, but I hoped her persistence would get her some milk.  Or that the shepherd would show up soon.  I turned toward the car in earnest and forbid myself to look back.

Of course I’ll never know the exact outcome of our encounter with Lamb.  I am grateful for all that she taught us about being open to what arises, talking about how we want to behave toward others, and acting with compassion in the best way we can.  That little Lamb was instrumental in our formation in many ways, and I hope that we were able to help her.

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It’s Leap Day; what do you propose?

Tradition has it that women are allowed to propose on Leap Day.   I came home this morning from a Nature in the Parks gig and proposed to Steve that we go out for a walk.  It was sunny and 54 degrees when I proposed.  By the time we’d mailed our packages at the Post Office, it was raining and 45 degrees.  So we headed toward what looked like a break in the clouds.  Turns out the clouds were faster than we were, but we ended up at the beach on the shores of Lake Michigan.  We had the entire shoreline to ourselves.  I love being outside, no matter what the weather or the season.   Here are some photos!

Raw color shot of Lake Michigan. I kid you not.

The beach rocks!

Steve holds his selected favorite

No bathers today

Beach wood

Still some snow left

Cutting through the bluffs to the lake

Heading home

A great adventure close to home.

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Because of Love

“In this vision he showed me a little thing, the size of a hazelnut, and it
was round as a ball. I looked at it with the eye of my understanding and
thought “What may this be?” And it was generally answered thus: “It is all that is
made.” I marveled how it might last, for it seemed it might suddenly have
sunk into nothing because of its littleness. And I was answered in my
understanding: “It lasts and ever shall, because God loves it.”

— Julian of Norwich

Why does evolution continue?  Why does the universe expand?  Why does the sun appear on the horizon every morning?  Why am I here?

Who do I thank?