We met in High School. He was 17; I was 15. He was my first love and the love of my life. All of the songs about first love come to mind: the awakening, the thrill, the thought that no one could ever have felt this powerfully in love before…and yet, of course, so many have. The absolute certainty that this is THE ONE!! We were so young, so hormonal, so smitten, so carefree.

I was 21 when we married. I was 22 when we had our first child…28 when we had our fourth and last.

It was only a few months after I took this photo that my husband had his first heart surgery. He was 31. I am so grateful that we had more time to raise our family, to grow up together, to become strong and passionate and faithful.

We got 16 more years. When he died, he was 47 and I was 45.

And now, I’ve been without him for more than 17 years. Those are the numbers, the chronology. But ‘saudade’ is about the feeling. It is about the tapestry of visual memories, of the sound of his glorious tenor voice in song, of feelings I cannot imagine ever having again, of the trust I gave him and the identity I built around him. All of these things I miss. I will feel forever nostalgic, forever bereft, and forever grateful for knowing him. I long for my husband with all that I am, physically, mentally, spiritually. And he is out of reach, yet somehow always accessible inside. Perhaps this is what this foreign word translates to in my own life.

I thank Egidio for introducing me to this word and for the opportunity to introduce Jim to all of you. May you enjoy your longing as something that helps you know that you love.