I love my family. I love hanging out with my kids and doing stuff together. I visited my “twins” (they’re 2 years apart, but they are best friends) in their new location for the first time this weekend. My youngest was there as well. We played in the dirt and planted trees, we played on the roof and planted an antenna, we sang, we brainstormed, we drew pumpkin decorating designs, we walked the dog, we ate pizza and drank wine, we watched a Bears game. And we talked. About dreams, about their dead dad, about relationships, about farting, about how children learn to talk, and how growing up is an organic and holistic process. My favorite thing was that my youngest daughter remarked that she is so happy that she doesn’t feel the need to hide anything from me anymore. We’ve been through a lot together, my kids and I. Can I say that they are my best friends? For someone who thought she had no friends, this is a happy epiphany.
I invested a lot in my relationships with my kids. My youngest was in junior high when I started my first full-time job. Ever. I am forever grateful to my husband for making it possible for me to be at home all those years. The world my kids will inherit will be a different place. Things are changing, protests are raging, systems will fail and fall. And that’s all good. In order to feel “safe”, it seems like options spread out between building a fortress of security and being light on your feet. Maybe the best of that spectrum is having an inner fortress that includes confidence in being loved and an outer flexibility of skills and adaptability to change. We are each of us working on building those things, and we support each other in our growth. The dream we have is to live together somewhere, on some land, in some place and work on that in community. Right now, we are all renters in 4 different places in two states. Some day, we’d like to be on a multiple-family homestead supporting ourselves (and perhaps others) sustainably.
“Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make this garden grow. All it takes is a rake and a hoe and a piece of fertile ground.” And hard work. And a dream. And love. I am grateful for inspiration and pioneers like the Dervaes family and for reminders to stay open in the process. We are pointing our canoe and paddling. We’ll see where we get to.